This is just a short insert, more of a publicized memo that might be an enlightenment or encouragement to someone in the process of adding to my blog’s file cabinet…
It is tempting for me to make the following cavalier statement out of a place of vulnerability:
Maybe I should be like many other men…lazy, selfish, prideful, using physical intimacy as a hook to get what I want, etc. A few or more of these attributes…these guys have most all the good women, it seems. They have girlfriends who are so devoted, forgiving, forgetting the bad things, the bad habits, the lack of spiritual intimacy with God, the cheating, the lying, the abandonment. Because after all, they say they still love the woman. Yeah…maybe I’ll do that, and I could become physically intimate with a woman so she’ll be bonded and hooked, and maybe if she gets pregnant, I could become an absentee father, where she does all the caretaking, transporting, buying of clothes, and nurturing of the child. Yeah, let’s do that.
Seriously. I cannot help but shake my head at things.
Okay, so maybe this was my passive way of still making the statement without making it.
But I am using it to make a point. I think it is easy to connect with someone, whether it starts off good or well, or not, and to get bonded to them in a way that feels almost impossible to separate from if things die or grow apart or go bad. There are often external factors and social or cultural pressures that we may give into or hold high to influence us not to separate from someone we are not equally yoked to or we should not be with.
But even more powerful of a factor, a force, is the bond of the soul, which is especially forged in sexual intimacy.
These bonds are almost impossible to break, especially if there are children involved.
These bonds become chains around the heart, mind and soul. And as a further disadvantage to women compared to men in this situation, women stay more actively connected emotionally than men, because of the way they are made differently. Men do not lack the emotional connection. It just takes a more conscious effort to stay actively engaged. Hence, one aspect of the lazy man.
But we have a responsibility to God, ourselves, and our children if present, to do what is right by ourselves and our kids and in His sight and get out of an unhealthy or bad or unequal non-marital relationship, no matter what the guy (or woman) says, how long we have been with them, or what the situation is. And as difficult as it is, nothing is impossible with God. In fact, all things are possible to us who believe, particularly when it is His will and even command, such as being equal in heart spiritually.
And as hard as it can be to accept and actually try to do, the one thing that we have to remember is this is an example of humbly respecting ourselves, our bodies, our relationship with God, and our children if we have any.
Why do you think His commands are such when it comes to relationships and equality? It is not Him being dictatorial or limiting our fun. It is Him protecting our hearts and our futures. And our future generations. They need to be in the right type of home and atmosphere, and learning the right behaviors and ways. And your actions, your lifestyle, not your words, are their primary teachers.
The wonderful thing about God and His grace is that you can start right where you are. Right now. No matter your past, your choices, what brought you to where you are, nothing. Because even making a change, turning your heart and ways now, can be a beaming light and testimony and impacting work of the Spirit of God on your children if you have any, and those who witness the change in your life.
It is never too late. It is never too late to give your whole heart. To change your direction. To change your situation. It may take time. It may take a miracle. But you and God are a beautiful team and couple together. Do you hear me? I am talking to you.
Come to your senses. Come to yourself. Take a long look around you. Is this what you want? Is this what you were made for? Is this where you belong? I am talking to those who know they are lost or out of place somewhere within. Those who are in bad or dead or unhealthy dating relationships. Those who have been broken and have not bounced back or mended within. Those who are stuck in a bad way, bad habits, bad situations. Those who feel empty inside or distant from God.
Come to yourself. And now let’s come home. I will walk with you brother, sister.