…just to get it off my chest, once again, because I can, I suppose…
I’m continually grieved at the dearth of consecration and fidelity that has surfaced all around me time and time and time again over the last several months. While I’m shaking my head at one thing and putting my heart back together from another, I don’t have time to process as yet further stories of heartbreak come my way. I just want to fix everyone myself…cover those who were violated, and set quite a few men straight my own way.
That’s in part why I must submit daily to God.
But at least can I say a couple things that need to be said?
Your spouse, your significant, your future spouse is a princess. Your princess. She is not a queen, we don’t bow to other than God. We are in fact made to be coequal with our partners. But that means complete dignity, respect, and consecration.
The fact your body is to be hers is something that is so important for her, and to her…especially when you abide by the fact that your body includes your MIND and EYES.
And the additional fact is that this is also a vital point of living for you too, for your soul. You keep it from being self-raped when you guard your heart, your marriage bed, your intimacy, your partner.
For those of you who have struggled with faithfulness, whether it be by the works of your body or your eyes, the cross of Christ has more than carried that for your forgiveness. And you are then empowered and accountable to cut it off. Do not make the excuse that a woman dressed or acted a certain way. The word of God says you cut your hand off or eye out (figuratively) if you are in tempting situations.
Run. Get accountability partners or friends or groups. Talk it out. Search yourself, your soul.
Understand that the root of porn or harassment or other expression of inordinate or unwanted behavior is self-absorbed selfishness. It is a self-kingdom you may be living in where everything must fit in where it can get in. And nothing is allowed to make waves with your setup. This is unhealthy, my friend. And there’s a much better way of doing life, a much higher road. And it’s not hard, once you’re willing to loosen the grip on the things you have set up over the years within and around you.
I want to live in a way where it’s clear to my partner that she is the only one I want to know about, inside and out. Where she knows my heart isn’t divided between her and someone at work, or online, or wherever. I want her to know that she is the only one whose intimacy I want to know about. Anyone else’s is none of my business.
What about you? How many of you men out there get so jealous and to outward extremes when a woman is even just friendly in appropriate ways to other men? NO double standards ALLOWED.
There is help, if you need. If you have failed in these areas as a partner to someone, I believe in you. I believe you can do this. You partner believed in you for some good reason. If she is giving you a second chance, give her a reason to believe in you again. And if she isn’t (don’t you dare try to force her or stalk her), then give her to God and do this for your future spouse.
Many who used porn or other areas of illicit behavior in the past use again. Don’t let that be you. You don’t have to be like everyone else. Be a pioneer. Put your foot permanently down. Understand that you are the defender, the watchman over your home, over your marriage sanctuary. Guard and defend that sanctuary to the death, if you have to. Allow yourself to solely absorb into your wife, and fight tooth and nail anyone or thing that tries to trespass her property (your body, mind, eyes).
And understand that you will have areas of selfishness arise in your heart and life that you will have to contend with. Don’t dismiss it or try to put a rug over it. Weeds don’t die like that. They fester. Get your hands dirty and dig it out of the garden. You will find the hand of the Master Gardener working with you, if you ask Him.
Some things that surface may not seem as important as the clearly wrong behaviors. Give it anyway. It’s about addressing an attitude of entitlement and selfishness, not just the things themselves.
Part of me is pleading on behalf of so many who have been burned out there, as well as the many who are waiting, looking for a good man in a society where it is so hard to really find…
…and part of me is speaking in the name and authority of Jesus for you to stand up, straighten your backbone, and be a real man, full of dignity and humble pride in servant-leadership, and being a defender of those in your care.