I sit idle in a moment. Apparent stillness detains me.
I hear sounds I do not want to hear. I see a surrounding that makes its familiarity feel very unfamiliar. Because it reminds me of who I am not.
I have moved forward within, but in all the movement, the yearning for a place to match has become a heart cry that cannot be constantly buried.
The soul must be well-managed here. To keep the desire for home in a place where it is not the seeking of an escape, an avoidance, but rather a rest, a rooting. Not the abandonment of responsibility to that which surrounds me, but the intentional pursuit of that which I am responsible for engaging.
I am longing for home.
Wherever He is, there is the only place I want to be. Wherever His hands are, there are my gloves. Wherever His hands are, my hands are His gloves. I seek only to be consumed in my refinement, not a better me, but a less of me…that there may be more of Him.
May I please come to a place where it is all only Him?
I want to be such that after the holy burning there resides nothing left within but a flame. I am longing for home.
I want to be so filled with Him that you cannot help but being loved and served by me. I want to be selfless enough to give of something more than convenient time and excess money.
And I need more of Him. And I need to move. Deep within. Deep without. There has to be more than this. There most certainly is.
I want nothing left but that holy flame…rather, a liquid river of fire.
Please, let me have this unquenchable desire satisfied for a moment from Your living waters. Let me know You more as You truly are now. Do not show me Your eyes, Your face, Your smile and then be unsearchable. Though Your ends are unreachable.
For, Your ends are unreachable.
And yet, I need all of You. And want more of You.
May my desire and pursuit come to a place of matching my need. Which is infinite.
I cannot stay where I am. I am still looking for that place, that city. I know it is there. I will not stop till I find it. I will not stop when I find it. I am desperate for You.