To those who have experienced hurt that hasn’t been addressed or mended well…
You are not messed up. Get that vocabulary out of your head now, my daughter, my son. What you are feeling is simply a result of the fact that it hasn’t been properly faced and healthily grieved and processed. There were psychological and emotional defense mechanisms in place at the beginning, and when not properly worked through, those mechanisms became fixtures that maintain harbored, compartmentalized feelings that seeped out in other ways over time. So this is very, very normal, because most people don’t have the people or things around them to help them healthily and thoroughly work through these things.
But you are in a different place now, and you have a rekindled pursuit and fellowship with God and perhaps in a place of surrender more than ever before. And you have a courage to begin to really face this, one step at a time, and it is okay, and it is going to be okay and wonderful. And you are beautiful. No matter how ugly the pain and anger is.
Remember, it’s okay to face the anger and feel the emotion of hurt again, because you are now in a safe place…on the altar of God, where the healing takes place in these open wound areas. These tears are tears of healing, not bitterness. Tears that mend, not rend. Because you are seeking Him in it, not just relishing in pain and rage. Although you will feel pain and rage.
It’s more than okay. Just grieve it through, no matter how much it takes to go to Him again. Allow it to pass through your soul, not avoiding it. And every time, it will be easier and even much easier.
Allow yourself to admit that hate is not good, and that unforgiveness is not good, and that grace is even for the worst of people in our lives. Grace is not because they deserve it. It’s because they DON’T deserve it. And grace is NOT a permission slip for them to do anything to you ever again. It is simply the release of a prisoner from within you that doesn’t belong there anyway.
…and remember you are beautiful. You are lovely. You are adorable, precious … and desired. You are pursued, you are sought after, by the One, the Lover of your soul, who calls you the apple of His eye. You are stared at with passion in His eyes.
You will be surprised at how the altar will become a place of comfort, freedom and security, and not a place of fear, trembling or intimidation. It is a place of such pure love and grace. For you. For your beautiful, precious, priceless heart.
You were meant to be loved, cherished, held so dear, by your parents, by your spouse, and by your wonderful God. You were meant to be cherished and lifted up. What ever you didn’t get from people, He will pour into those places personally, Himself.
So take your time with God, and know you are safe in feeling and sensing the textures of the past. Because He will soak them all with His oil of healing, and the harmful emotions will be soaked in those of mercy. It really is okay.
You will find that you will be less and less easily frustrated and angered at people and things that come up, tension will rest, and you will breathe more freely. This is yours. This is your light that is coming upon you and beginning to dawn on your face like the morning sunrise. And this light will open the doors from within on a deeper level than you knew were there to be opened.
You were justified in your anger. You were right to be hurt. You were more than understood to be as you have been. And now it’s time, past time, for new waters of love and life and healing to touch these areas that have been waiting thirstily for you.
Drink them in. Soak in them. Sit, and stay.
You are beautiful…man or woman. I would like for you to imagine your child if you have one, and how beautiful and precious he or she is, and just because he or she is your child. Now feel from your Father in heaven what you feel for your child. Go ahead, try it. Let that feeling hug you tenderly and envelope you for a moment. Take it as a kiss and embrace from your Father. His adoration for you His precious girl, His awesome boy. Go ahead and be that little girl or boy for a moment, be small in His arms. It’s okay. You’ll always be that to Him.