Here are various bulleted items regarding relationships primarily for my archive, but someone might find some of these things encouraging or insightful for where you are, where you’ve been, or where you want to be…
– When beginning a relationship, be genuine. Be honest with yourself as to if the other is someone you match well with. And even when you find someone you are compatible with, be slow and intentional with expressing deeper emotion and sentiment. You don’t have to express something you feel the first time you feel it. Think it through, train yourself to allow your mind to engage with your emotions and help balance them. Trust that when they are well founded, the emotion and sentiment will be all the more fond as it is watered with meaningful meditation. The heart can be deceitful above all things, as the word of God says. So this is a way to keep it all in check, very simply and practically.
– So, refrain with maturity from committing to saying things you are not ready for, or ready to back with action and enduring commitment. Even if you perceive it is true and in the mix for your relationship. Let it season and come forth in its time without forcing it.
– And for those who are in a place where they are not going to be having many more go-rounds with this, intentionality is all the more golden.
– Spending most of active pursuit on friendship allows everything else, including the sweetness of romance, to breathe and grow freely as it was intended to. Your friendship is the garden in which all else grows from. Till it, water it, and weed it. The seeds of beauty will spring forth as they were naturally made to be.
– Things and each other will change over time, as well. But through the things that make for unpreparedness for much more at the time (distance, working through issues, etc.), if you develop and nurture the friendship, there will always be a place to continue to abide with each other so that as these changes take place, instead of drifting, you are changing and growing together through it all, if you all are right for each other. It will simply reaffirm your potential together.
– If you are coming out of another situation as you meet or get to know someone else, whether in the process of a divorce or otherwise involved with someone that you are recognizing is not the relationship you need to be in, stay in the realm of friendship, and focus on respectful amicability. This takes a lot of maturity, but you need to finish what is ending with appropriate closure. Even if God has in fact brought this person to your life. You want to independently disengage from the first person the right way and for the right reasons.
– Take your time: invest in yourself in this way, and you will find you are in fact investing in your future and your future relationship in a most vital way.
– Deal with anything God is showing you about your own heart.
– If you find yourself overly independent or easily detached in relationships, take time to slow down and connect better and more consistently. Recognize the patterns of flightiness and ultra-independence that may have worked when you were single, because you didn’t have responsibility for commitment and accountability. If you are single, practice the art of inter-dependence.
Losing Full Control in a Good Way
– Remember that an ideal relationship is not a one-way or even a two-way street. While we don’t like the one-sidedness of one-way relationships, we do like the control. So two-way relationships can be intimidating because we lose some of that control and have to trust the other and depend on them to feel the same and have that natural interest. So we have the tendency to take some of their 50%. But a three-way relationship also includes God and His interest and feelings about the ‘us’. That is even less control, which is hard, or at least scary in a sense. That’s all the more reason to be patient and focus on friendship, because not only does the other person have to be in agreement, but so does He.
– I believe His agreement is shown through the existence and development of a couple’s chemistry, as well as the chemistry of the vision or vocation of each person’s life.