I have had a few interesting conversations with and observations of women who advocate for sex work and the sex industry. I primarily pay attention to the ones who are share how they are independent of any male (or female) control or management. And while some percentage of them, as well as others who aren’t even sex workers, may be puppets of a man or organization with an alternate agenda, I will give the benefit of the doubt that there are those who are truly very independent and not under any organization’s control. The following comes from such conversations and observations…
Sex workers want very much to separate themselves from the discussion of human trafficking. For those who are truly independent of control, it’s not their experience, and it has detrimental effects on a few levels. It makes their place in the industry look much worse, and it causes them to have to consider decisions, beliefs and circumstances…to evaluate and reevaluate things they have compartmentalized, about themselves, women, men, and life itself.
They tell me they do not want trafficking to be considered part of the sex industry at all. They want it separately designated as sex trafficking. But the problem is the sex industry is the perfect camouflage and operational ground for trafficking, and it is in fact an integral stage and breeding ground of the entire objectification and domination of women, where they are puppets for men’s lazy pleasure, no matter how willfully one has entered this arena.
Moreover, these unattached sex workers are not experts of men, in as much as they may think they have expertise in knowing and dealing with them. The immutable point is men who buy women for sex have no respect for themselves or women. Yes, some men may behave ‘nice’ and are just ‘lonely’. And of course they will say they have sex drives that ‘need fulfilled’. But these things don’t determine respect. All men can be nice, experience loneliness, and have sex drives. Niceness is the method, loneliness is the state of being, and sex drive is the excuse.
May it not be that the one playing the role of the seductress has been seduced, lulled by the lies of a self-serving, self-centered man who doesn’t know how or care to earn the respect of a woman with servanthood and selfless commitment.
This man is not willing to give himself from the heart, to walk the deliberate path with a woman to the marriage bed. He would rather steal from the sanctuary. He wants a cheap shortcut, and the sex worker is his live toy. The internet and the movies just weren’t enough for him this time.
But there is another man. There is a man who will stand up with a backbone and hold himself and his brothers accountable. There is one who will turn and intentionally tender his conscience in the way he reserves his entire body, which includes his eyes and his mind, for his future wife. There is a man who chooses to lose his selfish, childish ways to gain the garden of the secret of a woman’s heart.
But who is that man? Where is he?
Who will be that man?
…independent sex workers, and by all means men ourselves, quit making excuses for us.