Here are some good checkpoints from someone who has learned the hard way time and again, but has allowed these things to reaffirm her self worth and dignity. Many of these may seem elementary, but we all need reminded of the basics, especially those of us who have been down certain roads that have left us very broken. Here’s the link to the page she allowed me to copy this from (thank you), with a footnote of my own at the end. I recommend her blog too, very therapeutic humor in the midst of otherwise potentially frustrating reality…
My Dating Creed
■ It’s not about what’s wrong with me. It’s about what’s right with me. I refuse to settle.
■ I promise to always remember what I want and do not want.
■ I will not date my exes…there is a reason they are an ex.
■ I will not date married men or anyone newly divorced…it takes time to heal and discover who you are post-divorce.
■ I will not date younger men…cougar is just not my thing.
■ I will not date aggressive/abusive men. “Abuse and respect are diametric opposites: You do not respect someone whom you abuse, and you do not abuse someone whom you respect.” ~Lundy Bancroft
■ I will not date passive aggresive men…if they do not value their own feelings enough to talk about them, I cannot be bothered to guess what they are upset about.
■ I will not date whiny, clingy men. I do not want someone who loses their identity in a relationship.
■ I will not engage myself in an argument with someone who believes they are always right. It is a waste of my time and energy.
■ I will not try to change someone. If I like someone for who I want them to be and not for who they really are then I do not like them…I like someone else.
■ A man must want to get to know ME and NOT my favorite sexual position.
■ Habitual texters are out…pick up the phone and call.
■ I know there are good men out there. I will not judge every man based on my bad experiences…let their own actions speak for them.
■ I will take something positive from every bad dating experience…learn from it and build something better because of it.
■ I will always believe in myself and never forget I am worthy.
I think one of the most important things to take from this is the first and last points, which coincide with one another like bookends. The more you allow God to fill the areas of previous brokenness areas vacated from previous relationships, the more you will walk a path of wholeness and healthiness in your singlehood. This leads to making much more patient, healthy choices in future relationships, while not living so desperate and lonely, depending on someone else for your happiness and satisfaction in life.
Codependency is living life half-empty, where you depend on another half, your ‘better half’, so to speak, to make you whole. But that is no way to live, and we weren’t intended to exist this way. All of life, every stage, ought to have its fulness, its fulfillment, even when single.
The bible says that the two shall become one flesh, not the two halves shall become one whole. It makes for a far healthier fellowship and relationship when two whole people unite in inter-dependence, as opposed to a leachy, syrupy, weighty codependent fellowship of two halves. Allow yourself that dignity, the dignity of you that God gives you and intends for you. Allow yourself to like you for who you are, and respect yourself. The more you respect yourself, the more you will attract respect, command respect, and eventually demand respect…and not accept less from others. As our sister said in her first and last bullet point: refuse to settle…because you are worthy.