Additional Notes on Relationships and Self-Centered Men

This is primarily note to self, using a post to archive some of my comments, which I may add to. Still good reading for anyone who comes across this…

Men of mysogyny are selfish, self-consumed people, and they feed off their position of power with women, if the woman gives it to them. They’ll take it and run with it as far as their selfish selves can. Just like an adult child. They don’t want things to change, they’re definitely benefiting from the woman working two full time jobs (work and caring for the kids) while they only have the one, if even that. Men benefit from the assumed roles. I remember as a child feeling this way in my upbringing, although I had my chores. It created a culture and attitude of laziness in me that I knew was wrong and unfair, and that one day I was going to have to address…which I did.

And this projects into every area, including sex and sexual behaviors. Why do you think men leave their significants and spouses? They are self-centered, self-absorbed, therefore don’t understand or care about the requirement of selfless servitude in a true commitment. So when the woman becomes boring to them, as does anything with a self-absorbed person eventually, they start looking elsewhere. Some obviously with less moral, convicting restraint than others. That’s one reason why God is so strong about sex within marriage. He’s trying to protect the woman, the man, and marriage itself…among other reasons. And that’s why it’s so important for women to be patient in relationships, searching out the true character of a man before she gets too emotionally bonded where she almost can’t get out.

And for some men, it’s even more of a conscious power trip, especially some of them I know and have known. It truly is something that feeds their ego. By nature, we as men were supposed to be empowered and strengthened by the loyalty and encouragement of a woman. But when perverted, it becomes and ego-power thing, and at the expense of the woman, instead of earning this from the woman with humble servitude and dignity.

And while men can easily get addicted to the sexual/physical side of relationships (sex, porn, etc), women can easily get addicted to the emotional side of relationships (staying in bad ones, or accepting new bad ones because they are so lonely and feel that need to have anyone there to fill the void). So it becomes a bit of a vicious cycle that one of the two have to take a bold step of courage to break.

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5 Responses to Additional Notes on Relationships and Self-Centered Men

  1. Amy says:

    Okay, Justin. #1. If this were a real ‘note to self’, you do realize your post would not fit on a sticky note, right? #2. I agree with all of the above from a man’s perspective. What I can add from a woman’s perspective is that girls are born to want to feel beautiful – to be wanted – to be needed. As long as a woman is somehow getting that met in a relationship, she will most likely stay, no matter how bad the situation is. My prayer is that more women will realize that we don’t need any earthly man to need/want us (if you have it, that’s great), but the bigger picture is that we are wanted and loved by God, the creator of all men and women. What kind of beautiful is that?! To be loved and cherished by the One who made us?! God sees beauty, inside and out. God wanted us, before the beginning of the world. Who else could ever ‘want’ us like that?! It’s an amazing thought! One I wish multitudes of women would discover and hold tightly to!

    • Ever the comedy that always makes me laugh…haha! Okay Amy, it’s a blog to self. 🙂 I think what you shared from a woman’s perspective is the antedote for the potential ‘addictive’ nature women can sometimes have with relationships–better put by you when you explained a woman’s need to feel beautiful, wanted and needed, but accepting lower standards in men to fulfill this need instead of allowing God to fulfill that first.

      So you’re saying that when a woman allows God to be that first, fulfilling One, it makes it so much easier to hold a higher standard for men and their treatment of her, and therefore much more likely make healthier choices in relationships, because the woman has found that satisfaction from the love and affection of her Savior already. I love it.

    • Amy says:

      Ditto! :p

  2. daylily2011 says:

    I love your thinking and it is refreshing to hear a man believe women have such worth in a man’s life. I intellectually believe you but emotionally, I feel I do put up with some inequalities in my marital relationship. That makes me sad — except I continue to voice my needs, and many times my husband will rise to what I express. I often think that he, as a man, doesn’t know how I, as a female, feel about something. Marriage is sharing and caring enough to allow the other person to understand your needs. My belief is “no matter who I am with, I’m still stuck with myself.”

    • The one thing about posting things like this is that sometimes, it can be a bit of a revealing mirror to those in their real life situations. And that’s okay, but also a little tugging within, if not a lot. And you make a great point, that even if a man fully understands this, he and his wife or significant still must know how to communicate their needs to each other, and be willing to listen and adjust to those needs. Right sharing and good listening are always golden in relationships, and that posture of the heart towards each other makes up for those who don’t realize or fully understand all the nuance of healthy relationships. It’s always about the heart, and it sounds like your husband has that type of heart that responds. That’s so important.

      Yeah, you’re stuck with yourself, no matter who you’re with. And you’re stuck with him, no matter who you are, haha! (Don’t know if that made sense, but just thought I’d bring a smile in.) 🙂

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